On the mistakes I've made as a manager
On the mistakes I've made as a manager
And why we need to do better as employees, managers, and organisations
Last week’s essay on appraisal processes and managerial competence struck a nerve.
I received an overwhelming response, one of which was from the founder-CEO of one of India’s important SaaS companies. He appreciated the essay, and felt that most people on the receiving end would relate to it.
He had more to say, though.
This was a series of WhatsApp messages, so I’m going to paraphrase and arrange it into an argument. Please think about this carefully.
Just like becoming a good individual contributor, becoming a good manager is a journey.
And the same folks who have been at the receiving end of not-that-great management (which is all of us) also do not learn enough about how to become a good manager, or seek to acquire those skills.
This cycle continues.
I think a good followup (to the last essay) would be to write about this, and help people reflect on what they are doing to fix themselves.
Thinking of us as victims will not help. Every person has a role to play - the manager and the receiver of the feedback. And there are tools to learn how to give and take feedback, for both.
Assume that a manager is still early in their journey, and has not done their homework and learning, the receiver then becomes a victim of a 'bad manager'.
But learning to ask better questions and seek continuous feedback can also help build stronger relationships, and then people take 100% responsibility for the situation, whatever it is. Only 100%. Not more, not less. More means you feel guilt. Less means you are blaming.
Every person joins an organisation, but leaves due to a manager. But how do you, as an employee, take 100% responsibility for your career journey by not becoming a victim of a manager's growth journey?
When I joined Wingify in 2016, and for the first time led a significant team, I had only one rule: Don’t be an asshole. Make people comfortable.
This attitude to leadership stemmed from an earlier experience of having been made very uncomfortable, even demoralised as a junior. And because of that, I had convinced myself that I could fail at any other aspect of the job, but not this. I wanted to give my team what I didn’t get. I wanted my team to want to work with me. I wanted them to remain friends, stay involved in their careers.
I succeeded.
At least two of them remain close protégés, two more (both women) are now successful leaders in their own right, and all of them are friends with me and with each other.
But, and this is a question I ask myself often: Was that enough?
Hold that thought.
I talked about my success. I must talk about my failures too.
There are two instances as a manager when I fell short of my own expectations. It rankled me then, it rankles me now.
I’ve never spoken about it before, but here goes.
A promising, very early-in-her-career candidate had an internship with the company. She had done well, but when we wanted her to join (in another team), she asked for a salary way above market. I had earned enough respect to be asked to convince her to stay with us. I did, and screwed it up. Somehow in the way I spoke to her, told her stories of my career, and tried to explain that she still had some way to go to be able to ask for the number she was asking, I said the wrong things.
Her confidence had been shaken, she had felt low after. I found out later how she had felt. I regretted it deeply.
The second time was when I was in charge of a senior team of ICs. A combination of other factors, and my ham-handed, overconfident approach to management meant that I lost their confidence. And on top of that, as a response to the environment and the sheer mistrust, I behaved in a way that went against everything I have tried to stand for at work.
I have no qualms in admitting it: It was my first failure as a leader, and it stung. I lost friendships and I lost my confidence. It took me time to get both back. It was easily the lowest point of my still-young career.
These experiences have not repeated again, thankfully. I led a lovely team again for a short while and they were happy enough with me.
I know what went wrong, sort-of. I had assumed that my new team would understand my intentions and trust me, without putting in the work that would actually make them do so. Much later, I reached out to at least one person to try to understand better.
I write this down now because if I do not acknowledge that I made mistakes, I will never grow.
But, and this is the point our CEO is making: Have we, as employees, been able to give that critical feedback to the manager and to the organisation? What have we done to make sure that if confronted with either a 'bad manager' or someone inexperienced, we don’t become collateral damage?
Because we can’t let go of the great opportunities we work hard to get just because of someone else’s ineptitude or naivety. I have said this before, though, that if it’s mentally overwhelming, you should absolutely leave. But if you like your work and want to stay where you are, you should ask yourself what you can do to make sure your career doesn’t get derailed.
This is easier said than done. Believe me, I know. But it’s also fair.
In the end, we are responsible for what we become. No one else.
There are two things I want to talk about now, as conclusions.
One, we need a focus on people management and training in our organisations. Right now, it is on the manager to reflect, take feedback, and improve. And there are several methodologies and mental models to do so. But without organisational time and effort being put in, this is not scalable. In the environments we work in, where deadlines and release dates loom constantly, we have to do more. I don’t know how, I’m not the HR expert, but we have to. HR leaders need to think about this holistically and practically, not just devise a series of training programs and throw us in them.
Two, and this is the question I wanted to return to: Is a good, comfortable relationship with a manager enough?
Is it also not the manager’s job to challenge, question, raise performance, even make you uncomfortable enough to want to raise the bar? This is one place where I have a concrete answer, and you may agree or disagree with it.
Far too many silly readings of Steve Jobs and shows like Celebrity Apprentice have infused a kind of braggadocio in the idea of a leader. Organisations are okay with rudeness, with plain misbehaviour, and all of this flies under the garb of 'tough leadership'.
I’ll talk about what I know. In creative fields like marketing, this does an incredible amount of harm. Your mind needs to be clear to come to work and produce creative work. If you are forever stressed out about Monday and what your manager will come at you with, you will never think about new ideas - you’ll be thinking about saving yourself from ridicule, from mockery, from rejection without reason, from whatnot.
A trusting, comfortable professional relationship may not be enough, but it’s the best place to start.